“Delia watches herself get up from the beach and walk away. She watches herself leave her family without a word, hitch a ride to a new town, buy a new dress in a new style, and find a job and a room in a boardinghouse.” Delia, the protagonist ofAnne Tyler’s novel “Ladder of Years,” precipitously leaves her husband and three grown children during a beach vacation. Delia’s family can’t fathom why. She’s not sure either; she just wants to start from scratch without attachments and family responsibilities. Most of all, she craves time to herself. Solitude.

“Sometimes, I want to run away,” said some patients in psychotherapy sessions after months of struggling with an out-of-control adolescent. “I love my family and even the teenager who comes home after curfew and is sick in the bathroom all night.” But the burdens of juggling full-time work with everyday family life can be exhausting and overwhelming: grocery shopping, meal preparation — catering to the newly vegan kid — carpools, teacher calls about a failed test, laundry, messy rooms, sticky kitchen counters, friend drama, to name a few.

Parents of school-aged children crave time to themselves to read, walk in nature, nap, and restore their empty coffers of parental energy.

According to research about the calming effects of solitude in Scientific Reports, “spending hours alone is linked with reduced stress. A day with more time in solitude invites feelings of freedom to choose and be oneself.” The pulls and tugs of active family life often redefine parents as functionaries and need-satisfiers. While parents want to ensure their kids are well-fed, performing adequately in school, and enjoying a satisfying social life, tending to their needs and goals can be a full-time endeavor.

According to research on gender differences, mothers’ needs for solitude are more pronounced than fathers’. While many modern-day couples share home and childcare responsibilities, mothers still operate as the hub of family life. Even when a mother has a few minutes alone to chat with a friend or toss salad ingredients for dinner, she’s alert for “Mom, I need…!”

Solitude and loneliness are not the same, even though these terms are often used interchangeably. Solitude is a desirable, low-stress experience, whereas loneliness hurts. According to a 2023 advisory from the Surgeon General’s office, there is an epidemic of loneliness in the United States. This began before the pandemic but escalated significantly during and afterward. Lacking social connections can be devastating and “increase the risk of premature death to levels comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.”

But in Ms. Tyler’s “Ladder of Years,” Delia does not feel lonely. She left her family for solitude and the freedom she never had. When she climbs the stairs to her boarding house room several towns away from her family and friends, “she exults in the solitude of her small room.”

Share your thoughts about solitude versus loneliness with The Westfield Leader and Union County HAWK by writing “Gratitude” in the subject line and emailing press@goleader.com or pattisteckler@gmail.com.