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A WATCHUNG COMMUNICATIONS, INC. PUBLICATION The Westfield Leader and THE TIMES of Scotch Plains Fanwood Thursday, April 1, 1999 Page 7


Township Resident Criticizes Behavior

Of Councilman

I am writing because I was shocked by the behavior of Councilman Martin Marks at the March 23 Scotch Plains Township Council meeting.

He clearly demonstrated that he lacks both the temperament and maturity to serve on the Scotch Plains Township Council.

Councilman Marks apparently sat through 35 hours of budget meetings with the other members of the Township Council but failed to make any suggestions for an alternative budget.

At the public meeting, he voted against the budget he supposedly worked on with the other council members. He also called the Mayor a liar because six months ago she accurately quoted a story from

The Courier-News that Mr. Marks disagreed with.

It is important in a democratic society that elected officials treat each other with dignity and respect even if they are from opposing parties. It is apparent that the other members of the council, both the Democrats and the other Republican, can disagree with each other without resorting to name calling.

Councilman Marks should stop making jokes about how young he is and learn a less from his elders.

Phillip Wiener Scotch Plains Historical Information

Urged to Come Forward

I am trying to reach someone who must be a township resident, because I have been the fortunate recipient, since taking office as a Councilman, of much historical information about our wonderful township.

The person apparently prefers to remain anonymous. There is no signature on any enclosures. The wealth of historical information that has been sent to me about Scotch Plains is unbelievable.

I want this person to know the efforts that he or she has taken are marvelous, but the person should feel free to reach out to me, confidentially if needed, at any time because I believe there is probably much historical data of significance that this person still could have which could be shared with thousands of our residents through the Scotch Plains Free Public Library or our schools.

I encourage this person, who must have great affection for the Township, to contact me, and the entire community would eventually benefit.

Any mail can be directed to my home at 401 Stout Avenue, Scotch Plains, or I can be reached by phone at (908) 3227706.

Thank you for publishing this letter in an effort to reach this individual.

Franklin P. Donatelli Councilman Scotch Plains

Letters to the Editor HUNG UP!! HUNG UP!! HUNG UP!! HUNG UP!! HUNG UP!!

By Milt Faith, Executive Director

Youth and Family Counseling Service

Relationships Are Based On Caring, Mutual Respect

A frustrated daughter writes:

I am 26 years old, raised in a family where my mother catered to my father and met all his needs. He remained insensitive to her, and when I discussed it with her throughout my adolescence, mom said she was kind and thoughtful to my dad and others, and that was the "good" thing to do. I have conflict with this and have always catered to other people, and I have been abused and used.

I am dating "Charles," and therapy has helped me to see that I have gone along with, and given into, his wishes and he has not reciprocated. When I gained the strength to tell him my feelings and wishes, he dismissed them. He feels I have changed and he wants me to remain compliant. I now know this relationship is not going to fulfill my happiness. Do you agree?

Answer: You are a bright and insightful woman. You were raised in a home, and identified with a mother, who was submissive and met dad's needs; she feels this was right for her and denies the possibility that she may not have been her "own person." You continued this pattern with Charles, and have now become aware that this is a one-sided relationship.

If Charles and you cannot resolve the key issue that a loving and respectful relationship is based on mutual understanding and caring for each person's feelings and needs, it is time to march on and find a more rewarding relationship. It is both appropriate and healthy and it is not easy to break old patterns.

Try to remember a song by Ricky Nelson, "Garden Party," in which he states "You can't please everybody, so you better please yourself".

A "put upon" adult writes:

My brother and I have been informed by my mother's doctor that she has the beginning stages of Alzheimer's Disease. Both "Bob" and I are married with families, and so we met with Dr. X. He felt Mother was in the early stages of the disease but eventually her health (memory) would deteriorate. He said Mother's preference would be to give up her home (she doesn't like being alone) and live with one of her children. If this is not possible, she would be comfortable in an assisted living situation.

Our problem is that we all live busy lives, travel and entertain a lot. We don't want Mother to feel that she is in the way. Also, our children are not close to their grandmother and this would make them uncomfortable. This is an important decision and we would appreciate any impact you have.

Answer: It is unfortunate that you and your brother feel that your mother would be an intrusion in your home(s). (I have

no idea what the relationships have been like in the past). It's also regretful that your mother and her grandchildren do not have a close relationship. Who knows living together might have brought them closer and made them appreciate each other.

Under the circumstances, your mother would be better off having a companion live with her at home, or moving to an assisted living facility where, hopefully, she would find meaningful relationships.

The real problem here seems to be that you and your brother are busy evaluating how to "care for" your mother; I really do not get a feeling that you and your brother "care about" this woman who is in the midst of real physical and emotional health struggles. Everyone needs to be loved and cherished, particularly during these difficult times.

A reader writes:

What are the top New Year's resolutions people make and why are they so hard to follow through on?

Answer: The top resolutions are: 1. losing weight, 2. stop smoking, 3. saving money, 4. exercising. The reason they are difficult to stick to is because the intent is great but the continued change in behavior to stay on a diet, to quit smoking by using one technique or another, to save money when money is tight and we have to use good control and judgment regarding our priorities, and to exercise, call for ongoing commitments of time, energy and purpose, and that ain't easy!

A concerned grandmother writes:

My daughter, age 27, frequently takes her 7and 9-year-old children to the movies because she says she has trouble finding a baby-sitter, and secondly, she doesn't feel movies hurt children. This past year she took them to see the remake of Psycho and I Know What You Did Last Summer. Now they have nightmares. What should I do? (She reads your column).

Answer: Then she'll read this one: Do not take these young children to such scary movies. The images remain in their minds and emotions and affect a sense of security, safety and comfort. Their nightmares are probably results of this, and I recommend you speak to your doctor. If you have a baby-sitting problem, speak to a friend, a church member, exchange baby-sitting duties. Grandma, are you available to sit? Work something out so that these children are not exposed to such traumatic visual stimulation.

Actually, I recall seeing the original

Psycho and I was so horrified that I couldn't leave the theater immediately, and had trouble showering for a few weeks. The actress, Janet Leigh, still does!


Westfield Girl Scouts Post Community Activities Roster

The Westfield Girl Scout Community calendar is filled to the brim with upcoming events for April and beyond. So grab your calendar, your pencil, and plan.

Wednesday, April 7, is the deadline for articles for The Trailmarker. Leaders, send your community-wide communications to Nan Luscombe, 626 Maye Street.

The All-Senior Girl Scout troop meeting will be held on Tuesday, April 13, at 7:30 p.m. in Westminster Hall of The Presbyterian Church in Westfield. Please note this is a change from the usual first Tuesday of the month meeting.

The Westfield Service Team will meet on Wednesday, April 14, from 9:15 to 11:30 a.m. at Washington Rock Girl Scout Council. All Service Team members are requested to be present.

Westfield's annual Service Day will be held on Saturday, April 17, from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. in Cafeteria B of Westfield High School. Volunteers are needed in the areas of registration, sewing, and allaround assistance. Please call Malissa Cass at (908) 233-6226 if you can serve on this day.

Each Girl Scout troop attending Service Day is asked to donate a laundrytype basket to be used to hold donated Baby Bundle items. In addition, each girl attending is asked to donate a baby item to Baby Bundles. Collected items will be donated to needy new mothers.

On Wednesday evening, April 21, the first required Encampment Training meeting will be held at the home of Merry Wisler, 726 Tuxford Turn, from 7 to 9 p.m. This meeting will be repeated on Thursday, April 22, from 9:15 to 11:15 a.m. for those unable to attend the evening meeting.

The second required meeting will be held on Wednesday, May 19, from 7 to 9 p.m. and again on Thursday, May 20, from 9:15 to 11:15 a.m.

On Friday, April 23, the Brownie and Junior Ingatherings will be held from 4 to 6 p.m. at United Skates of America, Wood Road in Edison. The $3 admission charge includes food, admission and a patch. An additional $2 is required for skate rental. Payment is due by Friday, April 9, so be sure to register early. Registration forms and further information may be obtained from Troop No. 989 Cadettes. Please call (908) 654-5665.

On Saturday, May 1, a yard sale will be held at the home of Kitty Kudlick on the corner of Clark Street and Dudley Avenue. The purpose of the sale is to raise moneys for the Parents Annual Giving Fund. Donations of items in excellent condition are being sought. Volunteers are needed to organize the event. Please call Liz Fallon at (908) 233-3484 if you can donate your time and/or salable items.

Westfield's annual Gold/Silver Award ceremony will take place on Monday, May 17, at 7:30 p.m. in the Chapel of The Presbyterian Church in Westfield. This is a solemn ceremony of achievement by our Senior and Cadette Girl Scouts who have put forth great effort to earn the Gold and Silver Award. An invitation is

extended to all girls and their leaders and especially to those interested in working toward these very special awards. A reception will follow.

On Tuesday, May 25, the Leaders Appreciation tea will be held at 7:30 p.m. in the auditorium of Edison Intermediate School. All leaders are requested to attend for recognition well earned.

Westfield's annual Encampment will be held at Camp Hoover the weekend of June 4 to 6. Troops attending may call on Senior Scouts of Troop No. 559 for assistance with swap making. For a cost of $3 per girl to cover the expense of materials for the swaps, Troop No. 559 Seniors will come to your troop meeting for a swap workshop. Please call (908) 2320048 or (908) 654-7614 for further information and scheduling of your workshop.

A Rock Climbing weekend is being planned for June 4 to 6. This weekend is open to all Senior scouts and eighthgrade Cadettes. Climbing instruction for beginners and skilled scouts will be provided by Eastern Mountain Sports, which runs clinics in New Paltz, New York and West Hartford, Connecticut. All equipment will be provided, including climbing shoes. Adult volunteers are needed to accompany the event. Interested girls and adults are asked to call Pam Orbach at (908) 233-2878 before Saturday, Saturday, April 10.

Finally, several undated events are, or will be, in progress. Two projects resulting from Service Day are in need of volunteers for completion. The first, decorated flower pots, are in need of paintings and upon completion, volunteers to deliver them to local nursing home residences. The second, Christmas stockings, sewn and decorated at Service Day, are in need of donations of toilet articles, school supplies and small toys, which will fill the stockings.

If each Westfield Girl Scout would donate one item for these stockings, the very needy children in Haiti, where they are being sent, would be most grateful. The stockings may be filled by individual troops, or troops may pass on the collected items to Malissa Cass for final filling. Please call Mrs. Cass at (908) 233-6226 for further information.

Donations of cat and dog food, and clean, new or used bath towels, kitchen towels or men's tube socks, are desperately needed for a Silver Award project being completed on Service Day. Collection boxes are being placed in most elementary schools and in both intermediate schools. A collection box for these items will also be present at Westfield High School on Service Day. For pickup of donations, please call (908) 7541642.

For up-to-date information on Westfield's Girl Scout activities, visit us online at our web site,

* * * * *

This column is written by Westfield Girl Scouts for Westfield Girl Scouts and for the public.

Scotch Plains Resident Encourages Open Discussion on Township Budget

Resident Asks Mayor For Monetary Refund

For Absent Services

Editor's Note: The following was submitted as an open letter to Westfield Mayor Thomas C. Jardim, in care of The Westfield Leader.

* * * * * Every time I open The Westfield Leader, I see another article which explains why our taxes are to be raised again.

We have come to expect the constant increase in school funding, although we still think the overhead costs are obscene, especially the salaries paid to administrators. Now we see that our taxes are to be raised to support municipal services.

During the last snow storm, our little cul-de-sac, Bennett Place, was not plowed. I drove around town and didn't find another street unplowed.

How about issuing a schedule of amounts we can deduct from our property tax bill for various undelivered services. If we have to pay for these services, then we should be able to deduct the money if the services are not delivered.

How much can I deduct for not having my street plowed?

Max J. Kalm Westfield

I was taken aback at the exchange between Mayor Geri Samuel and Councilman Martin Marks during the March 23 Scotch Plains Township Council televised meeting.

During Councilman Marks' attempt to respond to and clarify a statement made by a citizen during the public portion of the meeting, Mayor Samuel ruled Mr. Marks "out of Order" and stated she would not "rehash the election of '98."

Firstly Mayor, only five weeks from the Tuesday, April 27, budget hearing, letting the public realize that your proposed 6.5 percent municipal tax increase is larger than the 21 percent five-year increase (4.2 percent average per year) of the former council as opposed to the 71 percent increase your 1998 campaign literature claimed it was is very relevant to bring to the public's attention at this time.

The public needs to know the truth when they evaluate your budget and its tax burden versus previous years.

Secondly, based upon my recollection of the 1998 Scotch Plains Democratic campaign literature, if Councilman Marks had truly wanted to "rehash the election of '98," he would not have just brought up this one timely and relevant point, but could have listed

many, many more falsehoods, misrepresentations and misstatements made in the aforementioned literature.

Our township budget is too important an issue for you to hide behind politics rather than allow open discussion about all facts that will better inform the public.

Marc Ginsberg Scotch Plains

Police Officer Lauded For Assistance, Valor

I would like to publicly thank the Overlook Hospital E.M.S., the Westfield Volunteer Rescue Squad, and especially Officer Gary Moore of the Westfield Police Department who was first on the scene when my mother suffered a serious asthma attack on March 18.

This is only one example of the advantages of living in a community such as Westfield.

Mrs. Robert W. Sheehan Westfield

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Copyright 1999 The Westfield Leader and The Times of Scotch Plains-Fanwood